Peaceful Envy
by violets92
Summary: Because in this moment, there was no Jacob Black, there was no danger…there was nothing but us and the promise of forever. Oneshot ExB. Set sometime in Eclipse.


Hello all! This is just a quick little one-shot I couldn't get out of my head. It's set sometime in Eclipse - not in any specific chapter - just after Edward accepts Bella wanting to visit La Push. It's just a little extra scene my head came up with.

Disclaimer: Sigh Nope, I don't own the Twilight series. No matter how much I want my own Edward Cullen.

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The tree trunk broke cleanly, leaving only a jagged stump in its wake. The ground rocked below me with a massive thumping sound akin to fifty rounds of simultaneous thunder. I didn't know if anybody heard. I didn't care. For the first time in my whole existence, I felt glad to be what I was – to be able to free my anger this way.

My mind was quiet all the way out here…nothing but my own thoughts to focus on. It was dangerous. My mind could be a monster when it wanted to be, and today, it definitely wanted to be. It was not the bloodlust that enveloped my senses, nor the desperate wish to be human just for a day, but the newfound feeling of immense jealousy.

The Newton kid had nothing on Jacob Black.

Jealousy was irrational, especially given that I trusted Bella more far more than I trusted myself, but that didn't stop me feeling as if someone twice as large as Emmett had punched me in the gut. I was acting like a childish adolescent. I vaguely wondered that if someone could read my jealous mind, whether they would find it as generic as the one that belonged to ninety-nine percent of the boys at Forks High. I let out a sardonic snort.

My arm snapped another large branch off a tree with a thunderous crack and I let out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding. Closing my eyes, I clenched my fist around the wood, trying to control myself for no good reason other than to prove I could…to tell Bella the truth when I answered no to her question of whether I was angry about her visiting La Push.

I supposed it was my fault really, for leaving her. If I hadn't been so utterly foolish, so willing to throw the best chance of my existence…of _both_ our existences away, she would be here, curled in _my_ arms, and every single tree in the forest would be completely in tact. The guilt and anger enveloped me once again and I willed myself to focus on anything but the wolf – for thinking about him would only lead to his thoughts and visions, and those were the things that led me to ruining a perfectly good forest in the first place.

I opened my hand and the remaining splinters fell to the ground like the pieces of my non-existent heart. I didn't deserve her. Not in the slightest. I was cold, and warmth such as hers should never be wasted by a man like me. She deserved a heartbeat, the feeling of blood rushing to her face when she became embarrassed, she deserved so much more than I could give her…and she definitely didn't deserve to have all that taken away from her.

She deserved a life.

And I could only give her death.

A bird somewhere above me chirped a hollow melody, taunting my thoughts. I almost wanted to snap it with the same effortlessness as I snapped a tree branch, but then what was I to do? It didn't hold enough blood to quench my almost absent thirst, nor did it deserve to die. Then again, neither did a helpless deer, but I was just the one to kill it. As I will be the one to kill Bella –lead her into a life of never-ending seconds leading into hours that fade away into jumbled memories of the past. No matter how much I tried to tell myself that it would be for us to spend eternity together, I couldn't fathom never hearing her heartbeat again.

I couldn't fathom forgetting what it sounded like.

A cellphone broke my train of thought, and saved yet another tree from annihilation, the tune of Debussy slicing through the silence of the forest.

"Hello?" My voice was slightly rough, almost like Bella's was when she woke up in the morning.

"Edward?" Her voice sent a wave of calmness through me. I unclenched by balled fist.

"Bella. Where are you?" I needed to see her, feel her warmth, make the weight settled inside my chest disappear.

"I'm at home. Jacob drove me back." I tried to control my hand from tightening yet again. "Where are you?"

"Just out hiking. I'll be there in a few minutes." I snapped the phone shut as softly as I could, still leaving an indent in the cover. Before I had time to register what I was doing, I was running, leaving the broken trees behind.

There was no time to feel the exhilaration I normally felt. I found my Volvo and soon enough I was speeding down the road, the speedometer pushing towards two hundred miles per hour. It wasn't nearly fast enough. The quiet hum of the radio did nothing to shield my mind away from thoughts of the wolves. I wanted Bella to be happy, and for that reason only, I was tolerant of her visits, but no amount of self assurance could deter me from speeding to her side when she returned.

I found her lying on her bed, stomach down, reading a worn copy of _Romeo and Juliet_. I was sure she knew the entire play by heart, but it didn't stop her from looking just as enthralled every time she read it. The peaceful look on her face almost made me want to leave her as she was…undisturbed. Almost. I crossed her room swiftly, lifting the book out of her hands and letting it fall to the floor.

She turned around with a startled expression on her face. I didn't wait for her to protest, I didn't say a word before I crushed my lips to hers frantically. She may have smelled like a wet dog, but as soon as my arms were around her, I could smell her – I could smell my Bella. The sweet fragrance overtook my senses and it was only when I heard her desperately try to intake oxygen that I broke away and moved to the side of her neck.

"Hi." Her voice was breathless, and despite my earlier desperation and worry, I chuckled.

"Hello." I pulled away to look into her eyes. I could hear no thoughts but my own. I was at peace. _We _were at peace.

We lay in silence for a few minutes. Bella moved to embrace my still form, regardless of the fact that it was winter and the whole situation was comparable to her cuddling up to an ice sculpture in a freezer. I placed my hand on her cheek, feeling the warmth as her blood pooled below my fingers. She could be with Jacob Black, revelling in his undeniable warmth, feeling shelter from the innate cold. But no, she was here, her body wrapped around mine and looking at me with such intense love and curiosity that it made me want to stay here, forever in this bed – small and insignificant as it was.

And although there was always a chance of losing her, it was the perfect moments like these that would be burned into my consciousness for the rest of eternity.

Because in this moment, there was no Jacob Black, there was no danger…there was nothing but _us_ and the promise of forever.

Nothing but peace.

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A/N: Reviews and feedback make me smile.


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